if i died would you start the facebook group?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
