That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
