I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
