hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
