He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
