Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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