Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
