Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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