Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
