I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
