How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
This can only be settled by a dance off.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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