Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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