areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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