note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
