that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
