Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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