while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
