Me. At least after what I've been through.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
