Umm I'm too high to move.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
