Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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