I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
