This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
