There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize