Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
