did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
