then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
