Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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