I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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