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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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