omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
