he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I understand Curling. That high.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
