Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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