it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
