i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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