I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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