i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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