I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
