Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
