yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
