he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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