Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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