Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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