Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
