So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
