So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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