Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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