i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
everyone is single if you try hard enough
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
