I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
