I wish I only lived at night.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
