There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
