Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
