I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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