somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
