is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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