I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
