I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
