this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
