I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize