i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
