Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
