Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
