there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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