I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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