they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
