I think I died a long time ago.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
