found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
