No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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