TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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