Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize