Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
