I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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