Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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