i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
