Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
