apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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