I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
