Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize