I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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