I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
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