I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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