HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
