Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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