Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize