Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
