I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize