I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
